Therefore, in a 20-minute experience, I forked out an additional R32 in tips. This is an everyday occurrence and, between my wife and I, we spend around R1000 on tips - every month! On the one hand, I know I must help people less fortunate than me, but in these times of austerity, I sometimes wonder.
Often I tip waiters, petrol jockeys, car park attendants, till packers, baggage handlers, taxi drivers, hotel porters and even "entertainers" at traffic lights because I feel they deserve it. They smile, have good manners and go out of their way to help me, or to make my life a little easier. One hotel porter in Blantyre, Malawi, on discovering that my television was not working, actually brought me a brand new TV set from the storeroom - still wrapped in the box - at 10pm and set it all up! I handed over R20 with pleasure.
On holiday a few years ago, a waitress at the Hilton Resort in Mauritius spent a lot of time with my young son, walking him around at the resort and even sitting at our table in the evenings to feed him "...so we could have the same course at the same time instead of popping up to the buffet one at a time." When I looked for her at the end of our trip to hand over a tip, she said, "But sir that is my job. I am here to serve and to be kind." I wanted to hug her for being so nice.
The toilet attendant at the domestic terminal at Cape Town International airport is a lovely man who is proud to be a toilet cleaner. He always has a big welcoming smile on his face, and when passengers walk in he says, "Welcome to my office!" It is impossible to ignore him when he has such a positive outlook on life.
However, more often than not the people to whom I give tips do not deserve it. I do it because it seems obligatory, no matter what the service. I am resentful about giving tips to people who have not earned it nor even tried to help me. At a London restaurant, I had an incredibly unfriendly waitress who could hardly speak English take my order in the most sullen manner - and then predictably mess it up. Then she was impossible to find again and seemed reluctant to give me my bill. When I paid, foolishly leaving an undeserved 5% tip, she thunderously looked at me as if I was the one with the problem.
One of my mates, Mark, has a good rule. As he walks into a restaurant, his mind is made up to give a generous 15% tip - if things go well. However, for every time something goes even slightly wrong that affects his experience, 2% comes off. If five little things go wrong, the waiter may get a 5% tip.
I am also resentful because most owners and managers of businesses do not discourage this practice, because they can then feel good about neglecting to pay their staff a decent salary. I have been a waiter a few times in my life, and I can tell you that it is a very demeaning practice. What also did not happen in my day was that waiters could earn a 'commission' for what they sold - even if that meant irritating customers who are pestered to buy more.
The worst story about tipping that I ever heard luckily did not happen to me, or I would have burst a blood vessel. A friend of mine needed some legal work done in Europe and a final contract was drawn up. The law demands that the contract must be read through in full in the presence of both parties, so they all sat in the lawyer's office while the clerk read every word in a foreign language. Half an hour later, it was all over, the contract was signed and everyone stood up to shake hands. Then the lawyer took him aside and whispered, "It is customary to leave something for the clerk." Too shocked to fight back, my friend scratched around in his wallet and handed over 30 Euros, (about R450 in today's value.)
Will we hand over a tip to a clerk at Home Affairs a tip because they expedited a passport? Must I put some money in an envelope for the mechanic who worked on my car? In addition, what about the assistant who prints and binds the course notes on my seminars? Alternatively, perhaps the next time I am flying I should slip the pilot a banknote or two for getting us to the destination safely.
I think I am going to pass round a hat for extra "voluntary donations" every time I do a talk or a workshop! (Not.)
