What happens when fat becomes a USP?

There are loads of communications professionals that have been in the business for more than 15 years and surely equal amounts of publicists who have handled the odd blue-chip. Let's face it, there may be loads of media heavies, but how many tilt the scales?

Watch this space, swollen and voluminous as it is. Fat is going to make a comeback. Like my esteemed colleague Marcus Brewster who made his USP celebrity chic, mine will be flab.

Let me take the weight of your shoulders, if I can make fat sexy, appealing and distinguished, imagine what I can do for your brand.

It's a harder sell, but a more rewarding one. In fact, my aforementioned colleague once told me that publicists shouldn't accept lemons. I love lemons, even though they manage to cut through fat.

Here's the secret, once I have the world sold on fat, and our sidewalks crack under the wobblers, I'll go on diet. Every magazine will want my story, how I lost 50 kgs in just two weeks with pictures of the doctors carrying the bucket loads away. Note to myself: Negotiate an exclusive with You/Huisgenoot to cover the interview with the plastic surgeon. Shape will do a story on my female friends who walk with me every morning to get thin, Men's Health (again) on the svelte me, TV Talk on the channels I watch while on my exercise bike. Independent Newspapers will syndicate my diet recipes on their Thursday food pages while Top Billing will focus on me shopping for the best in exercise shoes with learned comments from the shoe buyer at Edgars who have sponsored the insert.

Although endless, this is an important list. This is what determines if you're a full cream, two percent or low-fat publicist. Skill is in the cream. Anybody can generate front page world-wide press if Julia Roberts confesses she's a transvestite. Only a talented professional can create the headlines when there isn't news. So I'm fat - big deal. Watch this space.