Communication secrets to get you what you want

These were some of the research facts and “secrets” that Colette Carlson (www.colettecarlson.com) shared during a full-day seminar in Cape Town on Saturday, 23 February 2008. Carlson, a communications skills expert and international motivational speaker on sales, negotiation, communication and balance, shared her insights into effective communication strategies to help you get what you want and identify those communication mistakes that even PR professionals unknowingly make.

Assertive communication<

Many of us in the PR and marketing industries are familiar with the difference between assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive styles of communication. On hearing this topic, I had instant flashbacks of Mrs Janse van Rensburg in the PR management classroom. But there are certainly a few things my old lecturers weren't aware of, such as the passive-digressive style of communication. Colette added another (little-known) level of understanding of human behaviour, plus practical ways to use the new-found information to our advantage.

As PR practitioners, we are perceived to be communication experts and should be quite adept at building relationships. However, we haven't been taught the techniques of how to ask for what we want (with grace) and get what we want without any feelings of guilt or causing any offence. Carlson says that “assertiveness is speaking your truth with strength and sensitivity”. Understanding the balance of assertive communication is critical in the business environment. But perhaps equally important is the understanding of how to be assertive across the gender divide.

Cross-gender communication

Research now shows the differences between how women and men communicate and build relationships – in some cases it's like chalk and cheese, or pink and blue. So you may think that your methods of communicating are effective and serve you well, but until you understand the subtle perceptions that are created through your communication, you really don't have the control of the conversation. Here are just a few points to get you thinking:

• Women use language to build rapport; men use language to report.
  
• Women love to tell stories; men like to get to the point.
  
• Women get stuck in details; men prefer the big picture.
  
• Women build relationships before accomplishing tasks; men are task-oriented and build relationships through the task.

In addition, when men succeed, they point inward to themselves. But when women succeed, they point outward to external forces. Women are very good at deflecting praise, but this tends to make women look incompetent or insignificant to men, who are natural self-promoters.

Only once we understand the way our brains decipher communication can we learn to leverage it to network effectively and make ourselves stand out. Irrespective of our specific communication roles, this is a critically important skill to acquire.

• The “Communication secrets to change your life” seminar, organised by Going for Gold, is being held in Durban on 26 February and in Johannesburg on 1 March. Carlson is also doing a two-hour public talk in Durban and Johannesburg entitled “Speak your truth: How to align your thoughts, words and actions into amazing results”. This includes the screening of the movie “Pass It ON”, in which Carlson is a featured mentor.