[Orchids & Onions] Don't be a donkey - get off your ass and go to a gym

One day, screaming his lungs out at me for being "a liddel girl!" (and that was the most polite thing he said), he stopped the lesson and forced me to climb a rope to the top of the roof twice, while all my mates took an extended break. Sar' Major Schuster went on and on about my weak arms. To this day, then, I do not like showing up at a gym because I am afraid most of the women there will have bigger biceps than I do.

(I can run - as Ed discovered a few weeks later when I did a mile in five minutes in a platoon PT test - and I was also the top triathlete in Namibia for three years in a row, so I can swim. True stories.)

Despite my aversion to gyms, the Virgin Active TV ad definitely connects with my desire to do something about strengthening my leg muscles to sort out the knee problems I get when I run.

The Virgin Active 'Get off your ass' TVC.

Being shown as it is in the aftermath of the excesses of the festive period, the ad speaks to all those New Year's resolutions of getting fit and taking charge of one's life. We see all manner of people who are in physical, and social, ruts - and we can relate. Then we see them getting off their asses (as the punchline, in a catchy song, goes) and taking charge of their lives.

It is upbeat, it is funny and the timing is perfect. So Orchids to Virgin Active and to Ogilvy and Mather, Cape Town.

A break-up is a traumatic time.

You know the relationship has gone to hell in a handbasket, but you have had so much time together you just can't let go and look for that last chance, hoping something will happen to change your mind. As Gladys Knight and the Pips sing: "Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye."

That is how it has been with us at home this week. Not maritally - but in our long-term business relationships.

When I heard from a young colleague that Wi-Fi internet was not only accessible and fast in the Kenya capital, Nairobi, it was also free, I despaired. I have a Telkom ADSL line and, in the past three weeks, had had to contact the call centre six times.

The average time for me to get through to a human to speak to was 30 minutes, so that was three hours of my life I'll never get back. To pass the time, I now sit with a newspaper or book and watch TV, with the phone headset attached to my ear.

There has to be a better solution than this. (I am open to suggestions: email me on az.oc.lni@yrees.nadnerb if you've discovered the Holy Grail of reliable internet connectivity.)

I was all set to give Telkom the heave-ho and, for the first time in my life, not have a landline telephone, and then I dealt with a very pleasant and efficient man at the call centre.

I was so gobsmacked I forgot to ask his name. He deserves an Orchid and his company an Onion. He may have prevented this break-up, but I wonder how long it will be before the divorce is final.

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