The new humane and kind ad critic

Truth is, no-one knows... it just happens... like advertising. At last, I get to write my own column, and on advertising nogal! I finally get to comment and vent and criticise other people's advertising as much as I want. I can finally retire having achieved all there is to achieve in advertising.

Now all worth it

It's taken the better part of 20 years... 20 years of shuffling papers, of inane discussions about the placement of a comma, and of deep thoughtful analysis of whether a brand really would act in that way? Twenty years, and now it's all worth it....

I can give voice to my gleaned knowledge and opinion on adverts from Adidas to the Joburg Zoo, outdoor adverts to those irritating direct marketing mailers... and that's not all.

As an insider in the industry I can comment with real experience of the hallucinatory influences affecting the choices of executive creative directors. I can give insight to the client strategies which rule their choice to include the full sales contract in their 10x4 print advert. I can refer back to the commstrat to justify the choice of pink balloons as the most effective way of engaging with the pink dollar.

Beware

Beware you clients with set structures for print-ad layouts ("Please make the logo just a little bit bigger, oh... and the pricepoint").

Beware you creative minds with no shame of crowbarring your latest idea into an advert for any brand which lands on your desk ("It'll totally work for Five Roses - even Llama-owners drink tea").

Beware you strategists who think online is a strategy ("We want your brand to own the Internet... all of it").

And, most of all, let the consumer beware. Beware of accepting weak advertising, simply as an excuse to make that silly purchase ("I really bought the iPad for its memory, no... really"). Beware of liking advertising which has no substance behind it other than the flimsy fabric the uniforms of the pom-pom girls ("I don't mind what cellphone I get, as long as it's red.")

Bad advertising now has nowhere to hide...

Look forward to

I look forward to sharing the insights gained from hours of critical evaluation in front of DStv, in the interests of advancing communication science, of course. I look forward to living out the essence of the Consol brand which we've worked on for so long: choosing health, choosing life... if life exists in advertising, I'll choose it!

I'll inspire a generation with a desire to develop a new class of advertising... advertising which engages the target market fully within 161 characters, and creates a lifelong relationship with a single tweet.

Oh, how I look forward to the challenges of a column ... almost as much as all my friends like watching South African sport. It's like being the coach while sitting in the comfort of the couch.

Writing about advertising lets me splurb forth grand opinions without having to really understand the strategy behind the campaign. ... forget your researchers, step away from the strategist, don't even touch the archetyping tool... now there's real brand-building with a human touch, just what we've all been looking for. Gotta love it!!