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The secret world of branding spies
5 Dec 2004
"We've gone soft on the commies," he grumbled into his Klippies and water, no ice. Fred was never one who sought a red under every bed, so this grumble concerned me. "It is this KGB stuff," he said patting his bush jacket pocket.
Apparently the hangover guys had been in the pub a while before, "sampling" their wares. Apart from KGB he also pointed out that Soviet footwear were blasting their message on a billboard within sight of Sandton City, South Africa's temple of free enterprise and consumerism.
Fred never set up a discussion without some pre-planned route map and I was settling back to enjoy the journey.
It all started, he said, after he had read an article penned by John Kane-Berman (an arch-liberal and leader of the SAIRR) in Business Day. This article questioned the fact that, given the relative atrocities committed by the Nazis and the communists, it is surprising that the free world are so forgiving of the communists. On a straight body count of planned extermination, the communists made Hitler and his friends seem like amateurs. And yet, we still welcome them in our midst, they even form part of the tripartite government alliance.
The discussion was heading, naturally towards the Hegelian dialectic and Karl Marx's interpretation versus Mussolini's Machiavellian ways, Stalin and Ho Chi Min; boring stuff after a few Klippies and Windhoek Lagers.
Bringing the discussion back to earth we came to the conclusion that all is not bad that comes from bad regimes. We cited the VW, commissioned by Hitler, designed by Ferdinand Porsche and now a world icon brand. So why not KGB hangover remedies and Soviet foot-ware we asked.
In fact, we concluded that branding in such a fashion appeals because it is so opposite to expectation. By the time we were well into our scuppers we had agreed that we would register a number of brand names. Amongst these, as far as I can now recall, were some gems. (I am convinced that apart from curing hangovers, that the KGB stuff also has the effect of brain-washing).
"Pol Pot Herbal Products" - "Smoke them or eat them", all sourced from the green fields of KZN and guaranteed organic.
"Marcos" - a range of foot fetish fashion items, including thongs.
"Verwoerd" - a range of products that repels pests, especially dogs that crap on your pavement and Parktown Prawns. The pay off line could be Voertsek!
"Iron Curtain" security systems and "Berlin Walls" - up in a jiffy.
And, a new Toyota 18 seat mini-bus taxi, sub-branded Kamikaze.
Branding is a deep and often dark art I think, KGB brain-washed, or not.
About Fred Says...
With piercing blue eyes, a full set of clean underwear, his own hair - although it's mostly on his manly chest now - and stealth-like in his entry into his favourite bosveld watering hole, 'FRED' is clearly a legend in his own laager. An insider with so many years experience in the industry that he's forgotten where time began and advertising ended, he will be writing for Bizcommunity.com weekly to bring us the industry news you thought was safety swept under the rug, lurking there with the rest of South Africa's scandals and dirty laundry! If you dare, all correspondence with Fred can be sent via the editor@biz-community.com!
