Women are good enough, unlock the lessons

Taskeen Suleman

Sometimes we feel we are not good enough or not doing enough. I would like to challenge women to be kinder to themselves and acknowledge that they are on fact ‘enough’. One of my best decisions was when I decided not to focus on my bad decisions, but rather look at them as lessons that brought me to where I am now. Here are eight lessons on how you can fulfil the reality that you are enough:

1. Stop comparing yourself to others. In this age of social media, most of us keep on comparing our inner happiness with our peers’ outward appearance. Your friend’s happy picture on Facebook does not tell you how she is feeling inside. Her pictures on holiday with a slimmed, toned body should never make you hate yourself, as once again it does not tell you how she is feeling.

2. We live in an era of more, bigger and faster everything. This leads to lack of depth in accomplishments, relationships and long-term happiness. The media is full of stories of celebrities' ‘amazing’ achievements and lives. This illusion can rob you of your confidence and happiness. Slow down, gain perspective and connect with what is important to you.

3. Not being present in the moment. Technology is and was meant to make our lives easier and more convenient, but unfortunately, many times the opposite happens. Technology has taken over our lives. We can barely breathe as we anticipate our cellphone lighting up. This has taken away our focus and attention. We are constantly waiting on “other people” in order for us to be able to take the next step. Take control and choose when and how you can be reached by the outside world.

4. Create a budget. With the economy being so volatile, it is more important than ever to be conscious of our expenditure. The most effective way of doing this is the old school idea of a budget. Even though you may not spend like Jay Z or Beyoncé, without a budget, you are inevitably going to run into a situation where you do not have a clue how much money you have in your account, your financial growth stagnates and your financial situation will never improve. This in turn leads to enormous stress.

5. Create goals. The brain is your friend. It is a very powerful tool if used properly, but dangerous if given the role of unanimous decision-making. The average person has eight million bits of information from various sources going through his or her brain at any given time. How will it know what to focus on? Realistically, your brain is a goal-seeking centre. The mechanism in your brain, called the reticular activating system, actually filters out everything except those messages, which you truly need in order to survive or to achieve the goals that you have set. Therefore, by setting specific goals, and retaining a picture of achieving those goals in your mind, your brain will work day and night to turn that picture into reality.

6. Giving gratitude. “Gratitude means thankfulness, counting your blessings, noticing simple pleasures and acknowledging everything that you receive. It means learning to live your life as if everything were a miracle, and being aware on a continuous basis of how much you’ve been given” – Marelisa Fabrega.

7. Striving for control. Most of the events and experiences that happen to you in life are random, unexpected or coincidental. They just happen and are outside of your control. The only control you have is your response to them and the meaning you attach to every action and deed. Your outlook determines the emotional state of your response as well as your destiny. You owe it to yourself to control and be in charge of your emotional health, but it is much harder in an environment that is littered with negativity and stress. Cut down on how much you consume on screen. The average South African consumes four hours of negative messaging a day.

8. Stop blaming and finger pointing. Take responsibility for your life and actions. By relinquishing responsibility, you place yourself in a position of weakness. You become powerless and unstable. Be the hero of your own life, not the victim.