How to boost your boardroom presence

The technique works very well when I’m invited to the boardroom for an important meeting to discuss important things. It falls flat when I’m invited for an interview to discuss my focus.

Of the 12 boardrooms I’ve visited, two stood out for the amount of mind expansion they offered which was ironic because neither of them had enough floor space for a proper game of Twister.

Invited to add impetus and purpose to significant brand campaigns, I squeezed past the furniture and took my seat for robust discussion and some much needed time out of mind.

Boardroom #1: Colour

Walking in I was struck by the table and chairs. In quick succession. The table got me just below the hip pushing me off course into the uppermost chair on the side of the table facing the window. The wall on the opposite side was painted green.

My client sat with his back to the green wall creating a green screen effect which made it hard for me to focus on what was said. I imagined all sorts of things on that wall.

Braveheart came in from the left riding a magnificent horse to meet up with Jon Snow from Game of Thrones of all people. Together they rode to the North to fight the wildlings. David Attenborough’s voice – sounding eerily similar to my client’s – talked us through a caterpillar traversing a money tree. A synoptic chart came up. A beast of a cold front was pushing in from the west making landfall just above my client’s head.

My client. The brief.

We were discussing paint. Specifically, names for a new paint shop in the north, our north: Mpumalanga.

The Colour Lab and Top Coat were on the table.

I suggested Hue and Me and The Green Room.

Boardroom #2: Caffeine

A small space, but big enough to swing a young lion if you’re careful not to hit the big screen to the right and the huge pencil sketch of New York to the left.
Sliding doors made for a good escape route should it come to that.

I was there to discuss web copy for the coffee shop across the street. A PA – as is custom – asked what I would like to the drink. I ordered Rooibos.

The Rooibos arrived in a branded paper cup, which was weird. The owner of the coffee shop walked in. I noticed the logo on his shirt matched the one on my paper cup of tea.

It was awkward.

We watched some cartoons on YouTube for inspiration. I remarked how the coffee shop was a light-hearted space with a sense of humour. The owner agreed, but added that the coffee was serious. Very serious.

I moved my Rooibos to the farthest end of the table and assured him I took coffee very seriously.

I told him I’m going to send him two coffee copy samples: a dark-roasted think piece and a lighter café blend for everyday use.

Hansie Smit (@freehance) is a freelance copywriter. He lives for deadlines and enjoys Marie biscuits. Contact him at info@freehance.co.za