Why food critics simply don't matter!

I think that it was Bob Hope who had a gag about checking into a hotel in Vegas and calling down to reception asking them to send up a US$100 prostitute. Ten minutes later a bearded academic with a clip board showed up at his door.

Food critics were once the scourge of restaurants... Armed with their antiquated cameras and little notebooks they would terrorise restaurants the world over. Just the thought that a food critic was visiting your restaurant sent you scurrying for extra staff and doubling your management presence for the evening. The funny thing is, nowadays is... No body cares! These once influential voices have made themselves irrelevant.

Bleak breakfast

We all heard Thabo Mbeki's call for an inquiry into the xenophobic attacks that plagued our country a few years ago, and most of us thought "Wow, what a desperate attempt to stay relevant! You never called for a single inquiry during your two-term presidency, in fact we barely saw you." And so it was that when I opened The Times newspaper and read the incoherent waffling of 'The Breakfast Bandit' or should that be 'The Bleakest Blandest' I realised TBB's15 minutes of fame had passed a long time ago. It is irrelevant whether he is right or wrong, whether his tastes are the same as mine or not, whether he liked a restaurant or not, what matters most is that nobody cares, and for heaven's sake, the man can't even piece a sentence together.

So, what has changed so significantly so as to render this once powerful group of influencers irrelevant? Times for one, and the way information is assimilated for another. We no longer believe the drivel we read in the papers or hear on TV. In fact we would trust a recommendation from a friend with whom we share common interest on his Facebook profile, before we took the word of some 'wannabe journalist' who gets paid to be controversial in the futile hope that it will increase newspaper or magazine sales. We no longer go out looking for the news, the news finds us. Through blogs, micro blogs like Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and the many other forms of social networking we have come to rely on our peers for information that is relevant and believable. Restaurants should be more concerned about a customer with an iPhone or a Blackberry than a strange freeloader with the words 'Food Critic' tattooed on his or her forehead.

Well, did he enjoy it... or not?

I tried desperately to make sense of what The Bleakest Blandest was waffling on about in his cryptic style and overuse of fluffy adverbs but for the life of me could not actually work out whether he had enjoyed his meal or not. Yet a simple tweet from a good friend telling me about a fantastic, reasonably priced meal at a previously unheard of restaurant has me doing a Google search for a phone number. My friend, who happens to be in the interior design business, does not trash the decor because she can and because she knows, unlike our food critic, that I probably won't be eating the decor. She does know, however, that great food, great service and most of all great company, makes for a great meal. Now, the fact that most food critics dine either alone or with other food critics explains why they are so downright miserable.

When he finally got around to discussing the food, or at least I think he did amongst all that 'stront' he was spewing, my first thought was: "Should I trust the ramblings of someone who was last completely satisfied when he stayed home and cooked himself a meal?" On the other hand, should I trust the opinions of hundreds of friends who know me, know what I enjoy and don't stand to gain financially from what recommendations they make? Wait, let me think, this is a tough one!

For more:

• Food24.com: Do restaurant critics still matter?

For more links updated at 3.10pm on 29 October 2010.