Thai to die for

The layout's authentic - right down to the almost non-existent English of the therapist.

I was very fortunate through my then client Chai Lekcharoensuk of the Wangthai Group to be hosted in Thailand by his family and thus had one of the most memorable travel experiences. At my request, I was taken for a Thai massage that didn't include the happy ending promised by all at Patpong Road.

I forget the name now, but this was a massage factory with three or four levels, the first with rows upon rows of reclining chairs and Thai folk having their feet massaged. I think I was the only Westerner there among 100 others. After the foot massage we went to another floor with a series of wide cubicles with a futon on the floor. There were low timber rafters above which, I soon noted, were used by the masseur to support her weight as she walked on my back - using her toes like agile fingers to lift and separate the muscles. It was quite painful but I don't recall ever feeling so entirely renewed after a massage as I was then.

A stroke of good fortune

You probably know this, but let me say that I am a heavy, very heavy man. I mention this here because one of the final parts of the massage is with me sitting with my back facing the therapist and she, sitting on the same futon with her feet wedged into the small of my back. In a movement so swift that I didn't have time to resist, she snaked her arms under mine and behind my back like a wrestler doing the Nelson grip would and then pushing against my back with her feet she rolled on to her back to suspend me above her, like an archer pulling a bow.

If you have to, just lie back and think of England - well a former PM thereof, anyway.

So when I was invited to experience the Chaba Thai massage in Green Point I was immediately impressed by the authentic layout. Authenticity was further confirmed by the almost non-existent English of the therapist. I opted for the oil massage while JP had the more traditional pressure-point and stretch massage.

The separation of the buttocks from the rest of the body is an oddity especially when you consider how much tension we carry in them, especially for those who suffer from sciatica. Here the buttock is rightly treated as part of the leg and included in long strokes that stretch and massage simultaneously.

Thoughts of Iron Ladies in iron drawers can help

I did feel a little exposed while lying on my back, even though my groin area was covered by a towel. Part of the stretch is having my heel pressed into my groin and then my knee splayed outwards onto the surface. The discomfort continued as she worked my inner thigh where I feared that I might embarrass myself. Thoughts about Margaret Thatcher helped.

There is a spiffy if somewhat gaudy bathroom where patrons can shower after their treatments.

Thai Massage is R250 for 30 minutes and R350 for one hour. With oil it is R400. Head, neck and shoulder massage costs R350 per hour and R600 for the hot herbal compress.

Chaba's position in the backroom of a restaurant may add to the suggestion of a massage parlour but it all seems above board to me. In fact, the only happy ending I was offered was a bowl of steaming tom yum soup following the treatment.

Chaba Spa, 65 Winston Place, Main Road, Green Point. +27 (0) 21 434 6815. (Inside Salathai Restaurant.) www.thaimassagespa.co.za.