How to apologise sincerely in your business writing

Now, this can go horribly pear-shaped and cause even more damage - or go beautifully right and earn you massive long-term loyalty. This article is about the different types of written apology and how to craft them perfectly first time around.

Types of apology

Type 1: the conditional apology

Not all apologies are flat-out apologies. You know this, right? Not everyone has a genuine right to lose their marbles, gooi their toys and throw a tantrum. Some people (yes, even customers) are sometimes wrong. And in that case, you use what I call the ‘conditional apology'.

Let's say you own a hotel. A client spends a week there and has a good time. No complaints. Except that the bathroom sink is chipped. At the end of his stay, just before he settles his bill, there's a marble-losing session and the accompanying request for a discount or ‘special extra'.

What do you do?

You issue a firm, ‘I'm very sorry, Sir, but...' and you explain that while you can't discount his stay or tack on an extra three free nights, you'd love to offer him a complimentary bottle of wine. You see, the compensation should be proportional to the error and you're well within your rights - if a complainant makes an unreasonable request - to apologise conditionally and move on.

Type 2: the cover-your-back apology

Then there's the situation in which a colleague or manager does something wrong, and you're the person who has to handle it. You may have had nothing whatsoever to do with the slight, but now it's your baby and it's screaming the house down. Enter: the ‘cover-your-back apology'.

In this case, the sad truth is that you have to apologise and you have to do it without assigning blame, hinting at internal discord or shifting the responsibility sideways or upwards. You have to pretend that everyone's error is your personal error and appear genuinely, sincerely, deeply sorry. You can chase up the miscreant in the background, but keep it away from the public.

Type 3: the flat-out apology

Let's say something's gone wrong. Big-time. You've missed an important deadline, lost customer data, cost a client money, or made a bad decision. You're really sorry. And you need to make good. Fast. This is when you issue what I call the ‘flat-out apology'. Here's how...

In terms of actual content, a proper flat-out apology should always include the following:

• A detailed account of the situation - you should be as specific as possible and your apology should be focused on the particular event. Don't expand the apology by linking it to issues aside from the offence at hand.

• Acknowledgement of the damage caused - show that you understand the situation and legitimise the complainant's reaction. Make sure the apology conveys that you recognise not only why but how much the person was injured by your actions. Saying ‘I know you were disappointed' is not the same as ‘I know how incredibly insulted and angry you were...' The latter is a better way to convey that you're accepting responsibility.

• Taking responsibility for the situation - without offering excuses, let them know that you understand that the event and your actions did cause them harm. Say ‘I'm sorry I was rude', not ‘I'm sorry if I was rude'. ‘Sorry if' is one of those potentially costly qualifiers that can turn a good apology into a really bad one, so be careful. Words really matter. ‘I apologise for insulting you' is much better than ‘I apologise if what I said seemed insulting or offensive'.
  Don't defend. It's not about showing that the other person is wrong to be upset; it's about a flat-out, no-holds-barred, down-on-your-knees (figuratively) apology. No excuses.

• A statement of regret, using the words, ‘I'm sorry', and a promise that it won't happen again - these are important to rebuilding the relationship and are key ingredients in any apology. After all, there's no value in apologising for something you intend to repeat.

  Asking for forgiveness and making restitution - this gives the power back to the complainant. It tells them that you've done all you can by apologising and providing whatever compensation is feasible. Remember that most customers who have a complaint resolved to their satisfaction are more loyal after the event than they ever were before.

Tiffany's ‘sorry sandwich'

So now you're clear on content; on what actually goes into your ‘Sorry' letter or email. But how do you structure it? Do you launch straight in... or do you prepare the ground a little first?

Well, research shows that good news should appear in positions of high emphasis; ie in the beginning and/or at the end of a message, while bad news should take a position of secondary emphasis; in other words, in the middle of a message. Imagine a sandwich, a bagel or a hamburger, with the nice soft stuff on top and bottom and the meaty main stuff in the centre.

This is my ‘sorry sandwich': a simple way to build your written apology so that it gets through.

• The top slice - your intro, where you say something nice like, ‘At Sophie's Solutions, we pride ourselves on making our clients happy. And you're a particularly valued client, who's been with us over five years [or whatever the case may be]. But it seems we got it wrong this time...'

• The filling - your apology, based on the flat-out formula above.

• The bottom slice - your close, where you remind the person that this is not normally how you operate, and reassure them that you will take steps to prevent similar occurrences in future, perhaps by altering your systems, monitoring your service, providing additional training, etc.

Just to entertain you...

No matter where I am or how acclaimed the service experience promises to be, one startling revelation hits me again and again: some people should not be serving other human beings. ‘John' is one such individual. Have a look at how his apologies go hideously wrong...

What a beaut.

Use my advice to ensure you don't come across like this fellow. ‘Cos if you do, sorry for you.