A startup is like having a 50 pound baby

Your reaction is to listen, but YOU will be better at “the raising of the baby thing,” you think, labelling the others “non-believing, dead to me, not going to Hawaii when I make it big.”

• 
  Take that, Mom.

  Screw it! You are going for it. You’ve thought about this hard for two solid days. I mean, if you don’t bet on yourself, who can you? What could go wrong?

  I'm having a baby!

  You buy the “to Expect When You’re Expecting” manual that tells you everything you need to know about babies. You are all in, nurturing this little nugget for months to come. It is now your full-time job. You got this. You're still nervous, so you start announcing there is a baby on the way, testing the waters, not ready to give it all away. You haven't decided on the baby's name yet, or know the gender, but everyone knows there is a baby on board. Because you hung the damn sign on your LinkedIn profile, and everyone knows that’s final, so no going back now!

  Wow, everyone is so pumped, an absolute indication of success with so many “likes” and “Congrats” on your announcement; it’s so encouraging. It’s all so damn sweet how many people are going to want to help with your baby.

  The Baby Reveal

  “I’m having a....” You feel far enough along in building your baby, you’ve got your name, and you want to tell everyone what your baby’s going to be. Not giving it all away, worried someone would try to have a baby like yours, refreshing Tech Crunch every 20 minutes like a psychopath. You announce with a photo of what started as a simple logo that now it resembles an autostereogram because it’s so over-engineered by the guy you paid $1000.00, that you found in your Spam folder of Gmail. Still met with such fantastic fanfare and support, and you are feeling GOOD. You feel like a new person, wildly excited, blood pumping through your veins, motivated.

  You sing, “I should have done this soooonnnneeer.”

  “Um. I don’t feel so well”

  Suddenly, things are not going as planned. You go back to the baby book. Wait a minute, where the hell are these 19 horrible symptoms in this bestselling bullsh*t guide that is supposed to be everything to everybody about having a baby? Why is this taking four months longer? Why does it cost me triple than what they told me?

  At this stage, you could be pre-launch, beta, usually the last months/weeks when you start having actual physical discomfort, you’re on a non-stop ride on the Steel Eel Roller Coaster and can’t get off, white-knuckling your way through days and nights that run together, and the only thing holding you together is the thought of “If I could just get this baby right now, I’ll be okay.”

  Sure.

  “Birth of Your Startup”

  It’s been the most challenging months' anyone can imagine or has ever experienced. It’s been a long labour of love, coupled with sometimes screaming and crying. You’ve aged like Obama entering and exiting the White House, but instead of eight years, it’s been within months. But alas, it has all been worth it, leading to this momentous moment.

  You are so proud of yourself and your team (if you’re lucky enough to have one), and you are a completely different person from where you started. It’s here. It’s the most beautiful baby you have ever seen. This baby will change the world. You are Zena, Princess Warrior...

  And cue The Lion King music! “Simba, meet the world”

  Here it is world. Launched! Announcements go out. Congrats come in (relish it; this may be the last you hear that for a while). It's all gravy, baby, from here on out. We have arrived!

  About week 3...

  “What the f*** did I get myself into?”

  The baby will not stop crying. You feel like your feeding a baby elephant money by the fistful. You're exhausted. You haven’t talked or seen another human being in weeks, which is good because you are beginning to resemble Chewbacca at this point. You have no idea what day it is, the once much-anticipated bookends of the week, have evaporated. None of the assholes who said they would help can not be found anywhere.

  Anyone else that will respond to you keeps telling you that you're holding the baby wrong, how to soothe the baby, how to feed the baby. You join a Mommy and Me Facebook Group for help and support, and it turns out you find some very “know it all moms” with sideline advice on your parenting skills or some “helpful moms” who seemingly hold the answers to make $1,000,000 in a month with 5 Secrets, who only charge you $999.99 for it. Reality is setting in.

  I need help “raising” my baby

  You think, if I can get an investor or two to help raise my baby, it will all be okay. I'll be able to afford my baby and ensure it has a staff, a baby nurse, a nanny, a monitoring system to help it grow, and develop into the glory it is meant to be. I see other babies on Instagram slaying it, I need some marketing money because nobody knows who my baby is or it exists, that’s the real problem.

  Who wouldn’t want to invest in the future of this? I’m sure I will have to beat them all off with a stick. I can't wait to tell them how great my baby is. The reality is the only thing the baby can do right now is try not to shi*t outside of its diaper, and you are quickly running out of them.

  You suddenly realise you are one out of a million standing at the crossroads of startups with a beggers cup.

  Kidding aside, raising funds is a very serious consideration point. It will be putting your day to day, jack of all trades hat on because it is a full-time commitment to raise money and takes months.

  Amy Nelson, CEO of The Riveter, covers it well in her article, How to Raise $20 Million in 7 Steps: Lessons from a Female Founder

  “Your baby is ugly”

  “What the f**k did you say? My baby is what?”

  Now you start to hear different things wrong with your baby. When you ask someone to give you money, you better be ready for a complete teardown, if you’re lucky enough to score a meeting.

  “Yeah, and your baby is kind of OK, but come back to me is six months when it’s speaking five languages” or “There are better-looking babies out there,” and “Not the type of baby I want to invest in,” or “I already have a baby like that, don’t need another, I’m looking for BlockChain Babies or Aero-Space Babies”

  You try not to turn full mamma bear and pull their eyes from their sockets, but you can’t, and they know it.

  So, what is a girl to do? What we usually do is rush to all the Female VC’s. These are brilliant, brave women trying to champion female founders and making sure the world doesn’t miss a great idea because your name is Sarah Jobs vs. Steve or Mary vs. Mark Zuckerberg or Jane Bezos vs. Jeff, you have a shot.

  A thankless job, because you can only imagine how inundated they are with all the female founders looking to them for help, and being a woman with a startup will not merely produce a funding cheque.

  “Help! Doctor, I need help!”

  “What is the problem? Your baby looks fine,” Doctor Beyoncé says.

  “I’m doing something wrong, because my baby is not sitting up, crawling, speaking five different languages and on the cover of "Up and Coming Baby Magazine" and other babies are. I am having reoccurring nightmares of my baby and me being on the side of a street holding a sign ‘will work for baby food.’”

  You are now in a spiral of self-doubt, convinced you are doing something wrong, and everyone else is doing it right. Something must change.

  “You’re right. Something does have to change”

  We all need to be realistic about what it takes to start, build, launch, and operate your business. We love every woman out there betting on themselves and going for it, we respect and find it brave, but we serve each other better by providing an accurate picture of the journey and the price of admission.

  Women don’t talk about it enough.

  We are giving it a cool name like “Imposter Syndrome” - like its a sheet, we cut two holes out for the eyes and drape it over every emotion we are experiencing. We owe it to each other to share the hard and ugly side of it. Share the truth.

  It will take time, probably years for most of us.

  The reality is we all are doing the best we can, and each of us has our journey and timeline. Celebrate your firsts - first customer, first press article, the first dollar, first whatever it is that is meaningful to you. And for the love of G_d, support each other as much as possible.

  Community over Competition.

  I know some amazing women I have reached out to and made a great connection and part of some fantastic groups. They are not exclusive groups that you have to know people or apply to get approved by a panel to get in (ridiculous). They are communities of women who empower and support women every day. They walk the walk.

  It’s important because it’s lonely, other women will keep you motivated, you meet new friends, learn new skills. Yes, you will run in to complete jackasses, but more times than not, you meet inspiring women. But running a business or having a startup, you will be on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. You get a kiss on the forehead and simultaneously getting punched in the gut ten times a day. You need other people who are on this ride also.

  Let me give you one last example of one of my favourite thoughts:

  A woman falls down a hole, and she can't get out. A doctor walks by and writes a prescription and throws it in the hole. A priest walks by and writes a prayer and throws in the hole. A woman walks by and jumps in the hole.

  You say to her, “WTF, Sally!

  Now we are both stuck in the hole!” Sally looks at you and smiles, “Yes, but I know the way out.”

  That’s what the power of women networks can do. I didn’t come close to all the struggles, moments, and eventually successes you will or have experienced, but it’s a solid start.