Living Remote - what do the oldies get up to when they're alone?

Zuma's next wife

Bertha sells potted herbs and thinks of herself as a healer of sorts; she is apparently the woman that Jacob Zuma wants as his next wife and she will definitely remind you of someone you know or have once met. (It's a problem when she reminds you of your gran and then she starts pole dancing.)

Bertha has a way with the audience that will have you cringing and in stitches at the same time; she is definitely one of a kind. Yet she has a little bit of every "old bat" out there. She even pulls a member of the audience up and redresses her in open-toed sandals, mother of "god" pearl earrings and some other contraption; it's her lesson in fashion.

Intricate moves on a rowing machine

Another lesson is that of fitness; Bertha gets hold of a rowing machine and displays some intricate moves that are surely not meant for a lady of her age. There is even a little kinky moment with a blow-up doll that you have to see to understand.

Although Bertha Cummings is a 60-something lady, Anthea Thompson is only in her 30s. Try to remember this when you see her hobbling across the stage, dressed in something knitted and waffling on about penetration, excavation and evacuation.

Take your mum, your aunt, your gran or any women you can find. They will love it. Definitely something for the ladies.

Living Remote runs at the Kalk Bay Theatre till the 23 September. For more info go to www.kbt.co.za