New Merc coupé no party animal

Buyers have the choice of four models – three of them powered by petrol and one by diesel. The entry level car is branded as the C180 Blue Efficiency and has a four-cylinder 1.8-litre petrol sipper under the bonnet which pushes out 115kW and 250Nm of torque.

Clearly aimed at the Audi A5 and BMW's 3 series coupés of its traditional Teutonic opponents, Merc's new combatant certainly looks the part. In fact, when it comes to choosing one of the three purely on the basis of looks, the three-star coupé wins the race by a good few bonnet lengths.

With its broad shoulders, long and sleek bonnet, sharply raked windscreen, tapering roofline and handsome alloys it oozes class and willingness to brag and perform.

Typically Mercedes, the living quarters are classy and elegant, if a tad predictable, but that is not always a bad thing... after all, that's what the brand's large and loyal client base have come to expect. Naturally buyers have a choice of several packages and additional options to personalise their living quarters. Of these I particularly like a new 'porcelain piano lacquer' trim which can be fitted as a strip on the dash, on the door panels and on the steering wheel - cool, in a classy way.

Sporty... very sporty (unt über komfortable too, ja!)

Another impressive furnishing touch is the provision of four individual sports seats. Not only do they look great, they provide plenty of grip and comfort. But, strangely enough, this is one area where the white coats at Merc have dropped the ball, for although the seats are electronically height and lean adjustable, to move the front seats forwards or backwards you still have to grip a handle and then push or pull. Why, for goodness sake, on a plush model range that costs between R394 000 and R590 000, could they not just have been made fully electrical?

Another mutter (and often repeated!) is the archaic handbrake which is foot-operated to engage and finger operated to disengage. Never heard of a single, central console switch for both functions, mein Herr?

As to be expected there is plenty of space up front but the two rear-seaters would be less comfortable if they are tall because the tapering roof-line does restrict headroom.

As is the trend today in luxury cars and in keeping with what the C-Class saloon range came to the market with, the newly-unveiled coupé is armed to the teeth with fancies, including enough telemetry and wizardry to provide a life-time of fun for keep geeks, gadget freaks and connectivity addicts - and, I daresay, more than a modicum of puzzlement for the brand's traditional grey temple buyers.

Certainly in terms of handling and grip it conducted itself well.

But although some of the more senior citizens might not find all of the new-fangled finery all that hugely attractive, they will at least get to know enough about the basics to chat to their grand children about it and to impress the chaps at the golf club.

If nothing else, they can brag with the coupe's Command Online system which gives access to the Internet via Bluetooth, although this only works when the car is stationary. Mind you, a split screen (so as not to distract the driver's attention) would methinks have been a more practical option to enable the front passenger to search and surf while the car is on the move.

Other things coupé owners might like to drop into conversation are driving assistance systems such as Attention Assist and Distronic Plus (if you want to know more ask a Merc dealer to earn his keep by explaining in detail) that are based on the latest radar, camera and sensor technology.

You have a choice

Safety is high priority with Mercedes-Benz and the coupé is armed with nine airbags, including front airbags for the driver and front passenger, a knee bag on the driver's side, side bags and pelvis bags in the front, as well as window bags for all four occupants.

Right, so the cars look good, have zillions of fancy bits and pieces and rate high on safety, but what are the model choices and performance indicators?

Buyers have the choice of four models - three of them powered by petrol and one by diesel. The entry level car is branded as the C180 Blue Efficiency and has a four-cylinder 1.8-litre petrol sipper under the bonnet which pushes out 115kW and 250Nm of torque.

It's performance of nine seconds from zero to 100km/h won't leave you trembling with excitement but you will be pleased with its fuel consumption of 6.8 l/100km and emission rating of just 157g/km. Transmission choices are between six-speed manual or a seven-speed auto shift.

Rather disappointingly my partner and I didn’t get the opportunity to drive the range-topping C 350 with the 3.5-litre V6 engine. This engine kicks out 225kW and 370Nm which Merc says will get it from zero to 100km/h in six seconds flat which places it into a classier, more thoroughbred coupé section.

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The next step on the ladder is the C 250 BlueEfficiency petrol which comes with the same engine but tweaked to give quite a bit more oomph. Mercedes claims this model will squirt from 0-100km/h in 7.2 seconds and gallop along to 240km/h hour.

This is one of the two models I drove at the media unveiling and in spite of its 150 kW/310Nm power boost and claimed top speed of 240km/h it certainly didn't make my heart beat faster - probably because it was linked to a sleepy, hesitant automatic that snoozed for a few second before kicking in when I floored the go pedal. Unfortunately there is no manual option for this model, which is rather sad because the auto shift doesn't really do the car full justice.

Sadly the launch drive was on the speed camera infested, road works cluttered motorway between Durban and Pietermaritzburg and from there along shocking, badly neglected and pot-holed country roads back to the coast, so there was no ideal opportunity to give the car wings.

Certainly in terms of handling and grip it conducted itself well, although the steering could be a tad sharper - but then, with few exceptions, Mercs have never really been renowned for being pin sharp through the twisties.

This should be a sizzler - but we didn't get to try it out

The brakes felt good and the car was well balanced and poised during short bursts of right foot exercise.

Considering that it wasn't exactly a tar burner, my co-driver and I wondered how the even less powerful entry-level car would be like, particularly up on the energy-sapping Reef...

Rather disappointingly my partner and I didn't get the opportunity to drive the range-topping C 350 with the 3.5-litre V6 engine. This engine kicks out 225kW and 370Nm which Merc says will get it from zero to 100km/h in six seconds flat which places it into a classier, more thoroughbred coupé section.

The biggest let down of the four models was the oil-burning C 250 CDI BlueEfficiency. Equipped with a 2.1-litre four-cylinder engine that churns out a healthy 500Nm of torque and 150kW it has a paper 0-100km/h sprint time of seven seconds - but this comes with the pain of a clattering diesel mill which at times sounds decidedly agricultural.

Neither my partner nor I particularly enjoyed this model. If the CDI was in the rugby side during the recent disastrous 'Bok thrashing in Australia and New Zealand it would be the one 'The Snor' would have fingered for letting the side down.

The newly-unveiled coupé is armed to the teeth with fancies, including enough telemetry and wizardry to provide a life-time of fun for keep geeks, gadget freaks and connectivity addicts.

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We all know the diesel fan club is growing in this country but my advice to prospective buyers would be to take this car for a long drive with the family aboard before making a purchase decision.

However, having said that, if you are in the market for good looking, upmarket commuter transport and a handsome cruiser the new coupé range will do very nicely, thank you.

To summarise the new range it would be fair to emphasise the coupe's excellent build quality, snazzy looks, upper class cabin comfort, refined cruising ride, safety features and abundance of fancy kit, not forgetting the prestige (and re-sale value!) of the three-point badge.

Like all Mercs, the new coupé range oozes quality and class but somehow it lacks real excitement... it's almost too good, too executive in its bearing for its own good, almost afraid to let it's hair down and get up and dance. Grandpa would have liked this car very much...

The range and prices of the new C-Class coupe are:

C180 BlueEfficiency R394 000
C250 BlueEfficiency R494 000
C250 CDI BlueEfficiency R495 000
C350 BlueEfficiency R590 000

Footnote: If you prefer more spirited performance and have a thicker wallet, an AMG version will land on local shores before the end of the year.