• I Am An Event Coordinator I have unlimited resources at my disposal. I always keep at least ten meeting rooms under my desk, as it is policy here to automatically make reservations for your board of directors when you sign the contract. I can make any of my meeting rooms larger or smaller, depending on your needs. I will naturally remove my supporting pillars from your meeting space and will install windows in every room as needed. The 'Ocean View' is not scheduled to arrive until the second day of your program, for which I sincerly appologise; however, we will move the convention center two feet to the left to accommodate your request by the end of your session today. I can only throw myself on your mercy and grovel at your feet; I completely agree that it is inconceivable that we should have any other groups booked into our facility during your program. Your additional breakout rooms that you added this morning should be built no later than Wednesday. Naturally, it will be no problem to turn your plenary session for 600-schoolroom setup into a hollow square for 150 with rear screen projection, simultaneous Japanese translation and satellite hook-up during your 15 minute coffee break. Unfortunately, however, due to space constraints, and the fact that your final program bears no resemblance whatsoever to your contracted space, we will have to suspend your lunch buffet from the ceiling above your plenary session, then suck the gravity out of the ballroom. We have located the boxes that you sent last month under your mother's maiden name to the hotel down the street, and again, we apologize for not having found them sooner. In answer to all your questions, it is, of course, understood that I am telepathically aware of all your sepakers needs and will setup an overhead, LCD panel, dual slide projectors, two screens, laser pointer, podium microphones, two table-top microphones, podium knock-out switch, timer and blue M&M's in each room, at no extra charge, just in case they are needed. Additinally, it goes without saying that an A/V technician, engineer, baby-sitter and I will be underneath your head table for the duration of your event, in case you need anything else. Finally two more things that you might want to share with your group: (1) The ladies room is the one with the "ladies" on the sign. The mens room is the..... well, you get the point. (2) We will automatically adjust the room temperature every 15 minutes, so please don't bother asking. In addition, at this time, please accept my heartfelt thanks for choosing our property. It has been great to work with you, and I can't wait to see you again..... in HELL !!!