• A Mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt. The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"! Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop”. Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter. The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter. The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways” Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA. The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted!


  • New and improved? If something is new, it couldn't have been improved. If something is improved, it can't be new. ???


  • Research findings from an English University: Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.


  • New warning labels for liquor, wine and beer containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what in the world happened to your bra and panties. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. ____ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. ____ WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink you can tipe real gode.


  • "Now with improved taste" this appears in many products including dog food. The question is, "Who tastes this dog food?" ~Submitted by Dura (PE Tech)~


  • Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? NEW - Different color from previous design. ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it. REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one to work. MAINTENANCE FREE - Impossible to fix. MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours. SOLID-STATE - Heavy as hell.


  • I have always believed that writing advertisements is the second most profitable form of writing. The first, of course, is ransom notes . . . ~ Philip Dusenberry, quoted in Eric Clark, The Want Makers: Inside the World of Advertising, 1988.


  • The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference. - Fred Allen, American comic.


  • Don't tell my mother I work in an advertising agency - she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse. ~ Jacques Seguela.


  • I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.


  • Advertising sure brings quick results--last week I advertised for a night watchman--the same night my safe was robbed.


  • One of life's disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank's ads is not the one who makes the loans.


  • Q. How many copywriters does it take to change a light bulb? A. "NOBODY changes ANYTHING!!" Q. How many art directors does it take to change a light bulb? A. "Does it have to be a light bulb?"