Chevrolet's brawny mean machine

This is one you won't forget in a hurry.

What we are talking about here is 6,0 litres of V8 muscle car that can blast from zero to 100km/h in 6.5 seconds. It wears a gold bow tie and goes by the name of Chevrolet Lumina SS.

And it packs a hefty punch, this non-PC Godfather of modern motoring with its bazooka-sized exhausts that give the finger to a boringly PC world of drearily dull motorised sardine cans that sip fuel and clog our motorways,

Put your foot down in a little Japanese or Korean clod-hopper and you go to sleep. Stamp on this Lumina's go pedal and you will hear a burst of rolling thunder from its monster engine as you are slammed back into your seat with an outbreak of goose-flesh all over.

It will bring back fond memories

One day when we petrol-heads are old, wobbly and cantankerous it will be hot-blooded muscle cars like this we remember fondly, not the little tinker-toys that do 1000km on the smell of a fuel rag.

The engine's Displacement on Demand should cut consumption by about a litre per 100km, says GMSA.

The Lumina harks back to the days when motoring was loud, smoking fun so we might as well enjoy it now because emission taxes, punitive fuel prices and open hostility from other road users will probably drive big V8's such as the Lumina to extinction in the not too distant future.

Certainly there is much to enjoy about this hooligan-mobile; its low broad street-fighter stance, menacing black mesh grille and gaping air intakes; four sexy alloys wrapped in 245/45 R18 rubber, the jet-fighter wing stuck on the boot and the two double-barrel sets of exhaust outlets all set the tone for the horns that grow from under the Chev's sleek long hood when you feed it some Bronx leather.

Our test car was black which added a nice mean machine touch to the monster Chevy's already imposing presence.

A gripping tale

Like a thoroughbred race-horse the Lumina flies out of the stalls when you show it the whip and it will continue to gallop on gamely until it finely starts running out of speed at about 240km/h.

Like most BEEG American cars the Lumina feels its weight when you slam it through the corners, but for a large, heavy five-seater sedan it shows impressive grip. Not as vice-like as some of the Germans, but not bad at all...

It shows impressive grip for a large, heavy five-seater sedan.

click to enlarge

Stopping power is equally impressive and the ride is quite dignified and toned down when gently commuter cruising. That is also the only time the fuel gauge doesn't move into overdrive because the Lumina has the ability to change character from a snarling wild feline to a purring pussy cat - thanks to a clever fuel system called Displacement on Demand.

In essence, Displacement on Demand saves fuel by shutting down four of the eight cylinders during normal driving conditions below 110km/h.

Speed up and the system's claws come out to automatically and seamlessly re-activate the four "sleeping" cylinders.

GMSA says that the frugal mode will cut fuel consumption by about a litre per 100km.

As spacious as the gas guzzlers of the '60s

But bang the pleasure pedal down and the rev counter works in tandem with the fuel gauge. GMSA claims if the Lumina is driven gently (make that very gently) it will use18.7 litres/100km (urban), 9,5 litres/100km (extra-urban) and 12,9 litres/100km in the combined cycle.

This maybe so, but people who drive this car will most likely never get anywhere near that. It just is too much fun to fly flat-foot from the traffic lights. Costly, yes. Hooliganism, yes. But fun, YES!

The wing gives it that extra touch.

The big Chev is as spacious as the Yank Tanks of the '60s. The interior is unfussy and the black and silver dials, knobs and dials are user-friendly and easy on the eye.

The speedo and rev counter are branded V8 and SS respectively, not that anybody who drives this car is likely to forget that there is one helluva chunk of metal shoehorned under the hood.

Pity about the irritating frustration of the Lumina's all-black transponder key. Unlock and the boot opens. Click on what you think is the button to open the boot and the car locks.

What about a little contrast, guys?

Has anybody from General Motors ever tried to decipher the key in the dark? What about people who only wear reading glasses? It would help if the lock, unlock and boot signs were white on black, or even yellow on black instead of black on black... so come GM, it's easily fixable.

So what's it like on the inside? Like this... GM certainly has’nt stinted on classy kit and safety equipment.

click to enlarge

As for the rest, GM certainly doesn't stint on classy kit and safety equipment, weighing in with ABS brakes, electronic bake assist (EBA), electronic stability programme (ESP) which can be switched off, six airbags, aircon, a good audio system with adjustment buttons on the steering wheel, electric windows and mirrors, trip computer, cruise control, Park Assist, Blue Tooth technology and a four-speed auto box that can also be operated in tap-tap fashion.

Flappy paddles on the steering wheel would have added a nice sporty touch, but the auto box is almost quick and efficient enough to make up for this shortfall, particularly when flicked to Sport mode.

The boot is generous enough to accommodate all the bags four grown-ups would need for a week's holiday, plus some left-over space for a case or two of fermented grape juice.

At R423 650 a pop the Lumina SS AT is good value for money and it offers a refreshingly different and big smile alternative to the more sober and pricier Mercs, Jags and Beemers of this world.