Lotus brings out the wild child

When I say Lotus I mean the small Elise 111R. The one that squirts from zero to 100 km/h in less than 5 seconds and will get to 160 km/h in just 13 seconds and keep going all the way to 241 km/h

Mm, OK, but there are other cars that also do that, you might well say.

Sure, but the difference is in the Lotus your bum is just a few centimetres off the tarmac. And you are sitting on a thinly-wrapped racing seat within touching distance of the gearbox and engine. So it's noisy.

And the four big alloys wheels at the outer corners of this car are broad Yokohamas and the suspension is race track taut. So even the shortest ride is a bone-jarring, teeth-rattling, blurred-vision experience.

Light - and lightning quick

I have been in a co-pilot's seat in a Mirage fighter jet, sweated it out in a thundering V8 racing saloon and clung on for dear life in the side-car of racing motorbike - and all of them were more comfortable than this Lotus.

The steering wheel of the Elise is about the same size as the one you will find in a kiddies pedal car and that's all you have to hang on to when the screaming 1,8-litre, mid-mounted, fuel-injected aluminium engine bangs out 141 kW and 181Nm of instant take-off.

And because the little Lotus weighs in at only 860kg the launch feels even more spectacular and so much faster than in higher, bigger cars.

Things happen very rapidly once you stomp the tiny accelerator pedal down on to metal. If you keep the revs in the max performance zone between 6 800 and 7 800 rpm you have to work the stubby little gear lever quite enthusiastically through the six gears of the close ratio cog-box to stay out of the red.

And you have to be wide awake. The steering on this road-going go-kart is razor sharp. Turn in a little too soon, too fast and the bum will flick away in a second because there is no new-fangled traction control on this baby.

No luxuries, but the basics are beaut

Thank goodness for cross-drilled brake discs and servo-assisted ABS brakes and seat belts because there ain't any other protective devices. Did anybody mention airbags? Forget!

When The Honourable Mister Colin Chapman, founder of the famous Lotus brand, set out to build the best sportscars in the world, his basic formula was simple: make the car as light as possible. Make the engine as fast as possible. No luxuries. Stick to the basics.

And that is precisely what Lotus sportscars are still about today.

I'm not radio-active

OK, so it has a radio (which I couldn't get to work), air-conditioning which only blows hot or cold, and the seats are adjustable - but only backwards and forwards, not upwards.

And the steering wheel is non-adjustable. So the driver lives with what he gets. The seats are hard and shape-hugging and I would hate to drive a long stretch in one go.

The roof is canvas and fiddly to take down or put back up again and it has to be stored in a boot the size of a size 6 shoe-box. There is no other place to put it. I could only slide a number plate in between the back of the driver seat and the engine wall where other sportscars would have a back seat or at least a small packing space.

Most cars have a brag list of impressive specifications. On the Lotus list you will mainly find items described as “aluminium this” and “polished that” and “perforated” and “lightweight”.
Again, it's all about weight saving, not about luxuries.

It's all about GO!

But it's precisely this stripped down, bare essentials nature of the little Elise 111R that makes it so special. It's all about go. And go. And more go.

It's exactly the type of car that appeals to my hooligan nature and I relived my misspent youth on several occasions during the four days the Lotus was mine to enjoy.

I was absolutely delighted when Her Ladyship declined the offer of a drive into the country. She was too tall, she proclaimed, “to get into this silly little car”, so off I went on my own.

Just in case a Uniformed Sandwich-Munching Camera Terrorist reads this I shall refrain of disclosing my destination other than to say it involved a number of mountain passes and many quiet, virtually deserted country roads somewhere in the greater Western Cape.

And I had a ball. Lotus has always been a brand for the enthusiast driver and the 111R obliges with absolute pleasure.

This is for YOU, OK!

But one needs to be quite clear about this little beast. It may look smooth and sophisticated (and it does, particularly painted a shimmering black), but this is not an everyday commuter car.

Nor is it the sort of car you buy for your wife or for your student son or daughter, no matter how much money you have, or what fancy promises they make about good exam marks.

It's not a car for taking the dog to the beach or in which to collect mother-in-law for Sunday lunch.

This is a rich man's weekend thing of joy. Not a boy's toy for pimply youths who wear caps the wrong way around because if you get cocky with this car it will bite your bum.

Henrie Geyser and his latest love – the low, lovely, Lotus.

If I had the money I would keep it cosy under a cover in my garage all week and only haul it out on sunny weekend days for long drives through the country-side or for a burn-out on the nearest race track.

If the bug bites you…

As is the tendency these days Lotus offers a couple of optional extras, one of which is an essential - traction control.

But if your credit card melt-down point is beyond the R600 000 or so needed for the basic Lotus Elise 111R you might like to consider the optional extra hard top, the black-cast alloys and diffuser pack, or one of the more comprehensive Sport or Touring Packs.

Or if the Lotus bug has really bitten you might even want to take a little test drive in the stunningly beautiful and even wilder child, the superbly sculptured Lotus Exige.

Yebo, it does cost a bit more, but really, what price fun, particularly if Lotus says of the Exige: “It isn't just a sportscar, it's a racing car for road use”.

Keep your climbing boots, parachutes and shark cages. I'll rather have a Lotus any day.