Leading with compassion: How to manage a grieving brain at work

Image source: DC Studio from Freepik

And here’s the truth many leaders miss: grief isn’t only emotional but also neurological and physical. It’s human.

As HR professionals and leaders, we spend a lot of time talking about performance, KPIs, culture, and wellness, however, when someone on the team is grieving - whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a sudden diagnosis, or a life-altering shift - those conversations must change. Because the grieving brain is not business-as-usual.

Here’s a guideline of how you can lead with both heart and science when grief enters your workplace.

The science of the grieving brain (yes, it’s real)

Grief is more than "being sad". It's a full-body, full-brain recalibration.

1. The brain’s attachment system is disrupted

Our brains are wired for connection. We build neural maps - predictive models - of the people we love. We know their routines, their voice, their comforting presence. So, when they’re gone, the brain doesn’t quite know what to do.

That’s why grief often feels surreal. Many grieving employees describe feeling like their loved one might still walk through the door. This is not denial: it’s the brain still catching up to reality.

2. Cortisol, chaos, and the stress response

Grief activates the amygdala (our brain's fear and threat detector), releasing stress hormones like cortisol and this spikes anxiety, disrupts sleep, suppresses immunity, and clouds thinking.

In the workplace, this can look like forgetfulness, irritability, or even physical illness. It may look like laziness or disengagement, but it is actually the biology doing its best to cope.

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3. Neuroplasticity: The long road to adaptation

Healing doesn’t mean “getting over it.” The brain is slowly rewiring itself to hold the memory of someone without expecting their presence. It’s also learning - painfully - how to be in the world in a new way.

This takes time. And it’s non-linear.

What this means for HR and business leaders

Grief doesn’t respect deadlines or org charts. It doesn’t follow neat stages. So, neither can we, if we truly want to support our teams.

Here’s how to lead well when someone is grieving, even when you feel unsure or out of your depth.

1. Don’t disappear

Many leaders avoid checking in because they’re afraid of “saying the wrong thing”, however, silence is far more painful than an imperfect sentence. A simple, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here if you need anything,” goes further than you think.

Let the person lead the pace of the conversation, but don’t avoid the conversation.

2. Normalise talking about the person

Saying their name matters. Ask, “Would you like to share a memory?” or “What did they mean to you?” Talking helps the brain process the loss, and pretending nothing happened only deepens the isolation.

If appropriate, make space in meetings or Slack for colleagues to offer condolences or stories. Community helps healing.

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3. Flex the policy muscle

Now is not the time to default to HR handbooks. Yes, bereavement leave is a helpful start, but healing takes more than three days.

Consider:

• Flexible hours for a few weeks
• Adjusted KPIs or workload
• Remote work options
• Access to grief counselling or other resources

Workplace flexibility is a form of compassion in action.

4. Keep the structure, gently

Grief creates chaos in the nervous system and gentle routines and low-pressure structure can help.

Instead of removing all tasks, work with the person to co-create a plan: “What feels manageable this week?” “Are there small wins we can focus on?”

This preserves dignity and gives the brain something to anchor to.

5. Don’t rush the return

The first week back is often harder than the funeral. Grievers may feel pressure to “perform” or act “normal”. Be clear: you don’t expect them to be okay.

Let them ease in. Give permission to step away when needed. Check in, and keep checking in, even months later.

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6. Educate managers and teams

Most grief support fails not because people are unkind, but because they’re unprepared.

Run mini-workshops or send out internal guides on:

• What to say (and what not to say)
• How grief shows up at work
• The science behind grief

This builds a culture of empathy, not awkward silence.

7. Lead by example

Finally, if you are grieving, be honest. You don’t need to overshare, but modelling vulnerability creates psychological safety for others to do the same.

Healing isn’t linear, but support should be consistent

The grieving brain doesn’t follow timelines or quarterly plans. It has its own rhythm: slow, tender, which is often unpredictable. As leaders, our job isn’t to fix or rush it but rather to hold space and create safety.

When we honour grief in the workplace, we affirm our shared humanity. We remind our teams that they matter not just for what they produce, but for who they are, even in their most broken moments.

And that? That’s leadership worth remembering – even in the darkest times.