How to avoid 'netiquette' breaches

Once upon a time corporate correspondence was generally limited to starchy memos generated - at their boss's behest - by steely-haired keepers of the corporate gates. In the past decade or so, that's all changed and with the almost universal advent of email in the workplace, things have become a lot more egalitarian - and, frankly, sloppy.

"I very seldom use email - call me a Luddite if you will - but in just the past few years I've noticed an atrocious decline in the quality of English used in general correspondence," notes Greville Howard, founder of IRS (Industrial Relations Specialists), a Durban-based outfit with more than a decade's experience under its belt. "Of course, you could get esoteric and argue that a whole new lingua franca is springing up."

Either way, herewith a list of some of the more prevalent "netiquette" breaches, plus a few pointers on what to avoid...

• Typing the entire message in capitals is the equivalent of shouting. Loudly and offensively.
  
• Brevity, brevity, brevity. We are all flooded with electronic communications. So, please, keep it short and sweet and succinct.
  
• Tempting as it might be, refrain from formatting your background colours, especially in vivid pastels. And anyone using those smiley little faces should be exiled to Siberia.
  
• You know those chain letters whereby all you have to do is forward it to 10 contacts and then scoop US$10 000 from Microsoft/Yahoo/Google - or alternatively save an orphan? Well, hey, sorry to be so flinty-hearted but please don't send them to anyone with more than two brain cells.
  
• And you know those hilarious Internet jokes? Well, by the time the one you've sent lands in your mates' inboxes, they have probably heard it oooh, say, 10, maybe 20 times. The cyber-world is a small one indeed.
  
• And the greatest sin? As a journalist who still uses an antediluvian dial-up, there is nothing - not even the stroke-inducing talk shows on SAfm in the morning - capable of boosting my blood pressure like a massive, unsolicited email with a 30-minute download time.
  
• "Flaming." If someone has sent you an unfeasibly large mail or simply a snippy message, count to 10. Actually maybe 100. Then only reply when a modicum of self-control has returned. Remember, as Rudyard Kipling put it, "Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind."
  
• Lastly, simply because we're using a relatively new electronic medium, there is not one single excuse in the entire world to not use proper English. So, no, "Great" is not spelt "GR8."