Couples planning a wedding pay attention to every detail believing this will be the start of a happily-ever-after union, but unless they invest in their relationship, it could be subjected to attacks from many different areas. Learning to love intelligently and rationally, rather than emotionally, is one of the skills contained in the international bestseller Bulletproof Marriage: Your shield against divorce.
Written by counsellors Renato and Cristiane Cardoso, the book contains wisdom and lessons from their own marriage and offers insights and guidance on how to manage the relationship like a business and learn the art of problem-solving. The first years of their marriage were difficult, but divorce was not an option, so they worked through the issues and agreed win-win solutions which resulted in a fulfilling, successful and happy partnership.
The book has helped couples identify and resolve relationship challenges and helps prepare singles for a successful marriage. It explains why relationships fail, shares wisdom on how to love intelligently, provides tools to manage marriage successfully and offers practical advice on how to safeguard marriage and say no to divorce.
Chapter 13 is entitled: The root of all divorces and unhappy marriages. It begins by stating that if you asked unhappy couples to list the reasons for their unhappiness, they would be different, but they all have one main root. The reasons given, infidelity, financial troubles, fights and conflict, lack of trust, are simply the consequences of a deeper problem. The co-authors write: Identifying the root and cutting it out of your life is so effective that even if this is the only thing you learn from this book, you will have the power to transform your marriage.
Renato and Cristiane Cardoso write: People change with marriage – they are not the people they were when they were single. Marriage is a fusion of personalities. We often use the analogy of mashed potatoes which demonstrates the process. Two potatoes are just that – two potatoes. But when you mash them and add milk and butter, they become another element altogether: mashed potatoes. There is no way to separate these elements. In marriage two objects are joined together in a way that they can no longer be separated without causing damage to each other. Marriage was designed to create a fusion, resulting in a third element – never to be torn apart. Divorce causes deep wounds that are difficult to heal, and great suffering in the lives of all those involved.
They write: Many want to get married, but also want to remain the same person. They resist the merging process and never become one flesh. They remain two distinct, unchangeable individuals within the relationship. This relationship is never going to work. The idea is to improve who you are by allowing your partner to influence you, by moulding yourself around him or her. In marriage, you become a product of your union. When you marry, you need to have a “we” rather than a “me” mindset. When you try to justify your mistakes to your partner by saying you have always been like this, you maintain a death grip on your individuality at the expense of your marriage. If the way you are is not good for your relationship, you have to find a way to change it - or there will be no way for your marriage except the highway.
Bulletproof Marriage: Your shield against divorce reveals: Hardness of heart is the real root of every divorce or unhappy marriage. Many things can cause hardness of heart. When we speak about the heart, we’re referring to the centre of emotions and feelings inside of us. Any negative feeling that has not been properly processed and eliminated ends up turning our hearts to stone.
Renato Cardoso shares: In the beginning of my marriage, I wasn’t concerned about the needs of my wife. As long as I was happy at work, everything would be just fine. I thought, as long as she has everything she needs at home, she has no reason to complain. If you believe your spouse has nothing to complain about because you buy her this or give her that, understand one thing: What’s the point in giving your spouse a lot of what she already has, and none of what she really needs?
Another powerful statement in this chapter cautions: Make a note of this: You gave up the right to think only about yourself the day you signed the marriage papers.
The chapter outlines possible causes of hardness of heart and encourages people to take action which although painful will result in healing. Each chapter in the book ends with a task which couples can do together, exploring the subject and working towards acceptable solutions which can be implemented and maintained.
The final chapter outlines 27 tools to deal with situations which arise in marriage. Bulletproof Marriage states: Every household should have a toolbox. Every marriage needs specific tools. Those listed here will help you repair and maintain your marriage. Like any other toolbox, you don’t need all the items to do one job, but it’s always good to have them handy, because you never know when they might be needed.
Bulletproof Marriage: Your shield against divorce is available at The Wedding Expo at the show special of R150.
Visitors to The Wedding Expo, which will be held at Carnival City Sun Park on 29 and 30 September 2018, can benefit from free, non-judgemental, confidential relationship guidance from couples who have learned to love intelligently by applying wisdom contained in the international bestseller Bulletproof Marriage: Your shield against divorce.
For counselling, book sales or further information, please contact the Bulletproof Marriage team on 011 224 3413 or . Visit the Bulletproof Marriage website: www.bulletproofmarriage.org.
The Universal Church of the Kingdom of God (UCKG) is a contemporary, evangelical, Bible-based church, actively involved in numerous national outreach projects caring for people's spiritual, emotional and physical needs.
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