Survivor China: the Great Wall of SABC ruin

It was all hands-on-deck for the three-hour Survivor finale last night, as fans across South Africa tuned in to watch the final plays and last minute wheeling and dealing from the contestants to see who would be crowned the winner of Survivor China. It's the moment we've all been waiting for. The reason we've spent the last few months glued to our screens, watching the contestants battle the elements and each other, vying for our favourites as they scheme, back-stab and connive their way through to make it to the final four.

Unfortunately, I tuned in a little late as I must have missed the one ad SABC3 flighted mentioning a start time of half an hour earlier. Fortunately, the first 15 minutes was just a recap so no real loss there.

Skip through the first hour and we're down to the final three: Amanda, Courtney and Todd. Fast forward a little more and we've arrived at the last tribal council: the final nail-biting moments were the contestants get to plead their case, followed by my favourite part: the jury questions, where the folks that were booted off by their team members get to have their last b*tching session and grill the remaining members with squirm-worthy questions. It's the culmination of 39 days spent in tropical "hell", and I'm loving every minute of it.

Amanda, Courtney and Todd have just finished telling the jury why they're the most worthy and should get the million dollars. Cut to ad break, which displays SABC3's line-up for the next couple of hours. Survivor @ 9pm, news @ 10pm and football @ 10.15pm.

Cut back to the opening Survivor intro and music we've come to know so well. Cut to Jeff Probst saying something along the lines of "Welcome to the reunion show..." Cue blank stare. "...With our winner Todd!"

Cue jaw-drop and disbelief. WTF?! Where's the island? Where's the jury?! WHERE'S THE GRILLING AND B*TCHING AND SQUIRM-WORTHY QUESTIONS?!?! WHERE'S THE *BLEEPING* VOTE?!?!?!

Cue yelling, screaming and a mass of expletives not fit for even a Tarantino flick. I almost phone them then and there, but decide I won't be the only one and don't want to rack up my cellphone bill waiting on hold for those idiots. I almost open a Twitter account just so I could fume more publicly than I just did on Facebook. [And oh boy was Twitter awash with cursing, invective and foul language! - assistant editor]

Is it just a monumental ****-up? Or was there some dimwitted inept jack*** who decided that in order to fit everything into their scheduled timeslot, they had to cut the last half hour of the final episode, the episode that everyone has waited months to see?!?! "Oh, they announce the winner in the first 15 seconds of the reunion show so at least they'll know who won." Is this the logic? Are you frigging serious?!

I'm disgusted. I'm horrified. I'm p****ed off beyond comprehension. I phone my mother, who's at the airport fetching a friend and is taping the show. Fortunately it sounds like she was too distracted to pay any real attention to what I'm spewing. But I'm pretty sure the neighbours can hear me from across the two open lots.

I try to watch the reunion show with some enthusiasm... but dinner's ready and I can't be bothered with the end.

This morning, I Google "Survivor China" and hit upon a number of posts from other suitably POed viewers. Of course, it turns out that someone over at the SABC eventually woke up to the deluge of irate calls and eventually screened the final half hour of the show, presumably sometime after midnight. I don't know. I'd turned off by then.

But how could they? How dare they?! After all that!! I want blood. Whoever is responsible should be taken into the street and shot. Ok, maybe not with real bullets - a few hundred of those rubber ones should do nicely. But someone needs to pay and I want first dibs. Who's with me?

PS: SABC3 has released its pitiful excuse for an apology here: www.sabc3.com/news/5896

...complete with the cellphone number of spokesperson Kaizer Kganyago... I suspect he's already very sorry that line was given out... or perhaps it's just another SABC balls-up?