Julius, you're a hoot!

Don't believe what you hear Julius, us media love you... Be careful what you say to a journalist - remember, it's going to be immortalised in print!

I mean where else would we get such great material. There you were in familiar territory this weekend – the Sunday Times - being featured with your great friend, fellow snazzy dresser and sushi snacking expert, Kenny Kunene. The article went on to chronicle your recent whirlwind party tour of Cape Town, including lavish clubs, yachts and 10-star hotels – where, according to everyone except yourself, you were seen having a ball.

When questioned about this jol, you said, "I was not in a yacht, I was not in the One&Only (and the best bit) - I don’t drink Johnnie Walker Blue. People are going to laugh at you because they know I hate Johnnie Walker Blue...anything I drink I pay myself."

It wouldn’t be so bad – and sad, if you weren’t featured in the very same newspaper on the very same day saying, "I love: any good whisky on the rocks goes down very well." This was in your interview for the Sunday Times Lifestyle section in their regular "my city: joburg" column.

Most enlightening interview

This was a most enlightening interview. When asked about the one person who’s made the biggest difference in your life, you included in your list one Freddy Ramaphakela, the municipal manager of Lepelle Nkumpi (one of the poorest areas in the country). Why is he so important to you? Well, he trained and nurtured you and we now know where your expensive tastes come from as you boast about the R3000 shoes – your ‘first’ expensive pair that he bought for you! We’re used to hearing stories from people about their first ‘real’ pair of shoes, but their first expensive pair...

You are thrilled to tell everyone that Fidel Castro is your political icon, because he led a successful revolution. Now it’s a little hard to picture you Julius, living the widely reported austere lifestyle of your hero. I mean does Fidel wear a Patek Phillipe watch, given to you of course by a colleague from Mvelaphanda (was he hedging his future bets?) or does he love you to the tune of around $200 000 (the average price of this classic timepiece). Come on, he must care, really, ‘cos then your generous friend also gave you a Panerai watch – even more rare and expensive. And one must really ask yourself does Fidel whiz around Cuba in a Mercedes – your car of choice?

But in the next breath you do say that you don’t treasure things. To illustrate your point you explain that you didn’t even bother to decorate your house – you just went along with whatever your ‘interior decorator’ suggested. And to prove to us that you don’t put material values on things you generously shared a bottle of 30-year-old Chivas Regal with your mates before sharing another bottle, you were keeping for a friend, with them straight after – now that proves your point...

Material things

Talking of material things – when asked what you prefer, Blackberry or iPhone, you had the answer straight away. "The iPhone is so stupid, especially when it comes to messages. You close it and lock it but when a message comes in, it appears right on the screen, exposing your privacy." So of course you chucked the iPhone right out again!

And how come we didn’t know you were such an incredible philanthropist – as you say you spend your money on helping poor children. The term 'school shoes' seems to ring a bell here...

But possibly you’re a little confused with the term revolutionary. After all, as you say, you’re still grappling to understand the new economic growth path and why it had to change its vision since 1996? There’s hope however as you describe perfect happiness as "having shelter, decent work and being able to take care of yourself and your family." Well, if things go pear-shape for you, you’ll be able to flog a couple of watches and buy a small African country where you can reign supreme.

And to keep us in stitches till the end of the interview, you finished when asked if you have ever taken public transport by saying, "I’ve never used the Gautrain – it’s for the elite"...